Guys with Hair: Anniversary Edition
by Wario the TableMan
Summary: Turn back time, rewind, and remember the titans. It's a tale of love, anguish, and the brutal honesty of making the world a better place, even if that means risking everything in the process.


Shadow slammed his foot down upon the ground, splintering the shattered tar into even more shards than it had been made op of previously. There was one thing he knew: revenge.

The honour that Shadow held in such high esteem needed to be a product of his own heroism. However, there was but one individual who dared to stand in his way.

That accursed red echidna…

Shadow growled internally, trying to resolve his qualms by focusing on his strong points. He was a real looker, plus his keen sense of sight, smell, and direction had yet to fail him.

He looked over at the electronics warehouse, gazing at his satisfying design bestowed upon him by the genius of Dr. Gerald Robotnik. "Hey, good-looking. That's me, Shadow the Hedgehog…"

His drawl was cut short by the emergence of terror. Knuckles himself had made the scene and was wreaking havoc throughout the streets of Station Square. One thing was for sure: Knuckles hated Shadow's guts and was ready to spill them all throughout the neighborhood.

Shadow readied his fists. It would be an uphill battle from here on out, but the thrill of the kill was good enough to make him smirk. The two would finally do battle and overcome their physical and mental quandaries.

It was times like these that Shadow remembered his old rival Sonic. He reminisced over the attitude mixed with speed and utmost charisma. It was like an underground political endeavour that raged in the sewage systems of his cold, black heart.

A heart that yearned for a loved one…

Shadow felt the sluggish endurance of his mental catacombs coupled with the wisdom of his agile nature. It was like a snail, one with a tenacity for snarky behaviour, that still retained helpful appendages after millions of years of evolution.

Shadow remembered that he was a secret that the government had hid from the people ever since the horrific disaster that took place on Space Colony Ark over fifty years ago. When he was revived not long ago, he felt his desire to show off his power and charisma in the most fanciful way possible to his new master. He was kind of a show-off, maybe, but he was still incredibly delicious.

It was easy for Shadow. It was as simple and plain as a brown toad. Of course, when all of your charisma failed, it would be time to retake your former glory through the coarse actions associated with dominance. This taunting attitude can result in more harm than good, but it is a necessary evil for the aspiring warrior.

One such life lesson that Knuckles had always failed to adhere to.

"Good evening, good-looking…" said Shadow as he furrowed his brow at his foe. His attitude was a mixture of rage and immodest confidence.

Playtime was over. Knuckles then socked Shadow and it was the greatest pain known to mankind. The forceful impact could be likened to both having died right on the spot due to how amazingly meaty Knuckles's solid punches were. But it was still a matter of who's charisma could outshine the other. Thus the two warriors remained firmly rooted in their battle stances.

"Chris, where are you going?" asked Ella the maid as she saw the young Thorndyke heir rush out of the room after seeing the first strike impact his very core. Chris had strong feelings for Hedgehog justice and needed to lend the denomination all of his brutal strength.

Shadow wiped the blood from his face and pondered Knuckles's thoughtless actions. He then displayed a smirk once again. He glared at his opponent and resumed the long string of taunts he had grown accustomed to throughout all his years of fighting dangerous enemies. "Ha! Think you can beat me?" said he.

Shadow did a spin and landed behind Knuckles with a sneer. He looked back and caressed his chocolate voice with a savage taunt yet again. "Not quite, you're a toadtoadtoader!"

Knuckles gave Shadow a snarl and readied himself for the next attack.

Shadow continued to assimilate into the carefree culture of irking his foe. He slammed his foot down to assert further dominance on the spiny anteater. "Roar!" he roared. "I'm Shadow! Shadow the big behind burrito boy! You've awakened me from momentary stasis and I am grateful! I love you Rouge!"

That's what he said in Sonic Heroes.

Shadow jumped atop a lamppost, gripping a Chaos Emerald ever so demonically. "That's not all! Ifopimd…"

Knuckles snarled at Shadow and readied his fists for further pain-bringing. It was a nightmarish sight indeed.

"Roar! Knuckles!" Shadow shrieked as he noticed Knuckles getting rather close to breaching his comfort zone. He knew what he had to do to quell such madness. "Stay away from my girlfriend! A normal creature like yourself is a toadhead."

"I am Shadow and your Knuckles, are under arrest!" roared Shadow. He pounced down and the brawl reignited like the flames of Red Mountain's molten core.

Now as a tinge of necessary backstory, Shadow says he loves Rouge more than Knuckles. Yet Knuckles is envious of two of Shadow's girlfriends! It was times like these that Shadow was aware of reminding his present master the importance of proper sanitation methods involving the rear swaddling.

Knuckles then socked Shadow and ate a pile of delicious homemade chocolate.

Shadow had had enough of this noxious barrage of nonsensical flailing. "Listen, Knucklehead, I am Rouge's boyfriend and Rouge says I'm charming!"

The eruption of those very words caused the crimson tyrant to spawn multiple tantrums combined into a single aneurism of pain and misery. "Roar!" Knuckles emitted heartily as he breathed fire and swallowed some previously purchased fast food (a way to boost his power perhaps?) "Roar! Shadow! I am inspired by my boyhood hero! Roar!"

Shadow winked mentally and tossed out a harsh bud. "Who's that. Link the toader?" he slickly slimed out like a serpent of unholy dread.

Knuckles turned an eye in dramatic offence. "Roar! You dare? Roar!" the beast exclaimed with the rubble of his shattered morale fortifying his impending rush of doom. He would now make that hedgehog pay and wish he had never been rejuvenated by the dark lord of the empire.

"Let me do this with my ray gun!" shouted Shadow as he pulled out his weapon of choice. He blasted three shots at an anvil, hanging most conveniently over Knuckles himself. The prop fell and brought major pain upon the monstrous monotreme.

Shadow threw his massive head back in laughter. "Ha! Ha! You got an anvil on your head, toady!"

"Roar! Roar! It pains me!" Knuckles mourned.

Shadow decided it was time to stroke his own ego some more. As he had just discovered, Knuckles was growing weaker and weaker as more time passed with a subtle kick to the rear by unfair drownings of berated concepts involving dominance restructurism. "Sonic's my brother because we have both of the best toes ever!"

"Roar! You dare? Roar! Roar!" Knuckles could not believe the blasphemy that his auditory receptors had been dealt. The tragedy caused the aneurisms to burst, spilling the contents from his nostrils in a serious motion of leakage like the Nile's fertile seasons.

"Knuckles, your nose is bleeding!" Shadow said raising an eyebrow. Now was the perfect time to strike. Shadow needed to conclude his opponent's rise in dominance. Shadow needed to reclaim his dignity and his destiny. "I'm gonna imitate you!"

Shadow acted like a bloody-nosed Knuckles. The overwhelming power and resurgence of dry taste caused his stomach to churn with the past foods that had been intercepted by his nutrient absorption.

"Hoooooooo!" cried Shadow as he spilt upon the ground the viscous contents of burritos and other meaty dinners.

"Shadow, thee hath spilt!" shouted Knuckles the Echidna in disbelief.

"I did?" said Shadow emotionlessly, cradling his wounded stomach.

"Roar!" replied Knuckles.

The exchanged occurred thrice more and by Knuckles final utterance, the deal had been sealed. Shadow drew his pistol covertly and nailed the brutish fiend with a lead finisher.

"Roar! I'm dead! Roar!" wailed Knuckles in agony.

"According to Rouge, I am a hotbaby!" said Shadow proudly as he holstered his weapon. He looked down upon the fallen nobody.

Knuckle struggled to regain his composure. "Roar! I'm dead!"

"Toadhead!" Shadow shouted as he signed the last leaflets of the ethereal document of dominance declaration upon Knuckles's stupid, dying mind. "I've got Rouge now and I am hot!"

"Roar! I love you Rouge!" Knuckles murmured with a tearful tinge of regret slithering through his sharp, ravenous teeth that would stay ravenous no more. "Don't forget about me… roar…"

"I've killed the monster…"

"I'm dead… roar…"

And with those final two words, plus his light, woeful snarl, Knuckles left the realm of the living. Finally cementing the truth as the truth should have always been negotiated.

Shadow the Hedgehog… the chosen one to lead humanity and all living creatures to the sparkling domain of a heavenly utopia, had succeeded in the most glorious way ever conceived a possibility. It was truly a sight to behold.

He looked up at the sky and saw the gentle wisps peak past the sunlight that adourned a new day. A day free of all the pain and turmoil. Shadow had believed in himself and did not have to rely on others. "I'm the leader of the five…" he stated boldly as he walked away from his torrid handiwork and breathed in the scent of keen satisfaction.

 **THE GRAND END**

My brothers and I


End file.
